Looking Beneath Behaviors
C.A.R.E.
Compassion, Attunement, Regulation & Expectations
COMPASSION & CONNECTION
It’s natural for our children’s behavior to sometimes stretch our patience. When we understand neuroception and the Autonomic Nervous System, we can gently shift our perspective and begin to see our child’s behavior through the lens of how their nervous system is responding. From there, we can identify sensory and regulatory supports that help meet our children where they are.
When we prioritize connection and compassion during moments of dysregulation, we help guide our children back toward calm. Our goal isn’t to raise perfect children—it’s to help them build the skills they need to navigate big feelings and challenging moments.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” we can begin to ask, “What’s happening?” When we look beneath the behavior with curiosity, we often find it easier to respond with patience, empathy, and understanding.
ATTUNE & ACKNOWLEDGE
Attunement is our ability to notice and respond to the emotional needs and feelings of another person. When we are attuned to our children, we pay attention to their cues and respond with words and actions that reflect an understanding of what they may be feeling.
When children experience big emotions, it’s especially important that we acknowledge and validate what they are going through. By staying calm and grounded ourselves, we create a sense of safety that helps guide them through those difficult moments.
REGULATION & CO-REGULATION
Recent research reminds us that when children show challenging behaviors, it is often because they are overwhelmed by big emotions and the stress responses happening in their bodies. Tantrums, for example, are rarely just about the moment—they are often the result of underlying stressors in a child’s environment.
When we take the time to look beneath the behavior and identify those stressors, we can begin to support our children through co-regulation. When something triggers a child’s fight, flight, or freeze response, they need calm and compassionate adults to help guide them back to a place of safety.
By responding with patience and steadiness, we help our children learn how to regulate themselves over time. Through these supportive moments, they begin to understand their emotions, express what they are feeling, connect with others, and ask for help when they need it. Little by little, these experiences build the skills and confidence they need to navigate their emotional world with resilience.
EXPECTATIONS & EMPATHY
Our children come into the world with their own thoughts, personalities, and ways of seeing things. It can be helpful to pause and consider whether our expectations truly match our child’s stage of development. Sometimes our frustration with challenging behaviors grows from expectations that may be a little ahead of where our child is developmentally. When we adjust our expectations with compassion and understanding, it becomes easier to respond with patience.
Taking quiet moments to simply observe and appreciate how our child experiences the world can be incredibly powerful. When we stay curious about their interests, ideas, and passions, we show them that who they are truly matters. By accepting and supporting their individuality, we nurture a sense of self-worth and confidence—and build a relationship grounded in respect, connection, and unconditional love.